was asked what really makes for health? He said, "That's the answer." Aloha........which is Hawaiian for Good Morning.
I live in Hawaii, have for seven years working at Queens Hospital in Hawaii. Live on the island of Maui and you don't.
No, Michigan's a beautiful place too. Used to be. I don't know what happened but, so I bring a lot of noise and news from my home in Hawaii.
No politicalittle, no politicolatel, Hawaiians say. What is up, is up, what is down, is down.
Pono, they say, give the sign. Pono, balance. Always balance.
When you cut someone out in the car in Maui and somebody cuts in front of you, you give the sign, Pono.
When you get cut out in Michigan, I've learned that you people give a different sign. You threaten to have sex with that person.
Look at this slide explain it to each other over there. That's the worst punishment you could think of.
I'm sure every physician, every nurse, every health care worker in this room knows that the women in this room and the men that are here today should be well aware that we must do something. You cannot have it all, but you'd better talk that you should.
Today we will give the research for my field very quickly in an hour, we're going to teach you to relax Hawaiian style, fast. So I'm sorry to slide you way over here, I'll try to read these ones to you because for some reason my major audience is up here. That the good seats were sold and so some of you are way away.
Can you see this picture of the baby here? OK, that's just a little baby and I'm asking you as I show that, which are you inside? Are you the one on that side smiling happy, or not. How was it this morning? Did you wake up this way, good morning, such a beautiful day. I will now take my time and plan my way to the Troy Marriott. Good-bye family.
Or was it like this? "Come on, move it, move it, move it. I've got to get to this stupid conference. I've got to get over there, it's late and what time does the meeting start? It's too dark in here. I've got to eat." And you started complaining before you even sat down.
Which are you?
Is this you? Happy and easy going and balance and pono?
Or are you more this person at the end of the day? When you come home do you start shedding your clothes like a lizard? Shoes fly, files go, ooooh, I can't take it.
I'm here to tell you today that most physicians will tell you they know the research. That we can account for less than 50% of the variance as to why men or women get sick. There's much more that we don't know than we do know.
Watch this little experiment. Would you raise your hand if you had a mom or a dad or a grandma or a grandpa who lived to over age 80. Would you raise your hand?
Would you leave that hand up if that grandparent or parent ate a very healthy, high fiber, low-fat diet.
Leave that hand up still, if you're still in the contest if they meditated, exercised appropriately, went to female bonding groups, did therapy, and followed all the, some of them violated every rule didn't they.
We can't explain why there are so many health people that live forever. Right. And some people that get sick that never did anything really we can trace. Why some people get better. Why one of every 80 thousand cancers, spontaneously remits forever. Forever. We don't know why.
Some of you know I had a bone marrow transplant. I had stage four terminal cancer eight years ago. They said, "You're dead." That's always helpful when they point that out. Unbelievable. So there's a lot we don't understand. So I'm the one to start the day, probably ruin everything, because I'm going to tell you now that you'll see in the tapes that we now have called The Pleasure Principle and a book coming out in the Fall called The Five Principles of Pleasure based on 2000 year old ideas.
I'm telling you right now, you can eat fiber until you turn into a brick. You can jog until you're made of iron, but unless you get your life in balance, it is like rearranging the death chairs on the sinking Titanic. You follow what I mean.
I am tired of people coming home, getting on their jogging suit, leaving their family alone at the table, and running away. They'd be much better off for their health, to sit with their family.
Harvard University last week, published a study that children who sit at the same table every night for dinner at the same seat, ritual, what do I mean by that, that table, this is the way we do it, have less infections than children who do not. Yet many children are emotionally homeless. There's hardly ever a dinner together even in an intact family. Everybody following me?
I know this won't be very popular here, but we can't keep doing this. Being normal is being dangerous to your health. Does that make any sense?
Some of you are sitting here now thinking, "OK, is he going to be worth the money? I came in here. Now which workshop am I going to go to. Now I'll go over and look at these things, then I've got to go over here. I must go there. Then after this, we're going to hurry home."
Nobody wants you there but you're going to hurry home anyway.
Not today, so we've decided that we're going to stay here tonight. Everybody's going to stay tonight. Beaumont is going to pay for the room. Somebody revive Dr Keyes. And then, thanks to Beaumont, everybody will come and visit me in Maui tomorrow. We're all going over and Beaumont will close next week.
If you can see, I wish the seats were better, the little baby over here, and a mommy over there. What do you bring home daddy or mommy? Do you bring in that look, that sourpuss. Look at that kid copy that. I hope you can see this. Look at him copy this. And look at him copy that. Which are you? Toxic Success Syndrome. That's what we call it. Toxic Success. You can't have it all. You're going to have to make some hard decisions.
Have less, do less, say no. Mauwanapono, they say in Hawaii.
Two thousand people on the beach two weeks ago. Two thousand on the beach and I'm lecturing and all the music you will hear today is my Hawaiian band and when we were doing this lecture, behind us came the dolphins and they started to dance. Let's see if we can bring the dolphins here. It's kind of cold.
Can you see the slide with this poor fool here? What is he trying to do. "I got it. I got it."
This was the Beaumont staff bringing in the materials this morning. OK. Where is she? She's not here yet. Where is he? Get the...... Hello, welcome to the conference.
Everybody is so pressured. You people liet in this room and you know it. Hey I'm going to leave after this and go back to Hawaii so I don't care.
You lie. You're all lying right now. "How are you?" "Fine, thank you." The only people I know who are very very happy are those I don't know very very well. Don't all of you have some problems? Certainly you do. Let's see how abnormal you are.
Would you all please stand up. Come on, this is practice for the standing ovation, stand up.
Change seats with a person next to you and then sit down as quickly as possible. Look how confused you are. Even this you can't do right. Now feel the warmth of the butt of the person who was in that seat. Would you sit down for heaven sakes. We had enough seats. She's mad because her stuff is over there. How am I going to get to my stuff. If you were honest, even now you're a little bothered. This isn't the right seat. So, as I lecture, you're going to see somebody get up and move back. Now let's just take it easy and be a little abnormal here today.
Epitaph......"possibly successful". "Got everything done, died anyway".
But I saw that. You gave her her stuff. She did a covert stuff pass over there.
"God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I'm so far behind I'll never die".
That isn't healthy. We jog, we try to eat our diet, we go to our meditation classes, we're going to do stress reduction in a hurry. Some of you have your meditation tapes out in the car. Oooom, oooom, look out. Come on. You know you're as hypocritical as everybody else.
Lebow's law, 1948. I'll read it, I know, I'm sorry we're so scattered. Lebow was a very well known economist. Here's what he said and I quote. "Our enormous productive economy demands that we make consumption our way of life. Convert buying and use of goods into rituals and seek our spiritual and eagle satisfaction in consumption."
I was at the World Congress on Ecology when President Bush said, "The American way of life is not up for negotiation."
But the American way of life isn't healthy. Everybody understand what I'm saying? It is not healthy. I'm going to prove it to you today.
Achieving Success. This was a conference I was asked to speak at in Detroit. Sponsored by the Detroit News. World's best business leaders. Not just a mediocre, we don't have, we don't have a mediocre bowl, we have a Superbowl, OK. Look at what was there, Ambassador of Achievement, Dennis Wakely, "Being the Best".
World's Best Motivationalist, Zig Zigler, "See you at the Top.
America's Number One Success Authority, Peter Love, "Success Skills for Peak performance".
Almost tires me out reading this.
American Hero, General Norman Swartzkoff, "Leadership from the War Room, to the Board Room".
Olympian Champion, Mary Lou Retton, "The Competitive Edge".
Americans Foremost inspirationalist, Robert Schuller, "Tough times never last but Tough People Do!"
"Be the first to enroll", not the third.
When I lecture in Hawaii with my Hawaiian band of which I am very proud, I'm always following a motivationalist. Haven't you heard them. "You can do it, you can do it, you can". Then I'm next.
And I tell them how to be less than you can be, and enjoy the hell out of it.
Call into work today and say, "Hi, I'm feeling great. Don't want to come in and see your ugly face that's for sure. I'm happy here."
These are all good people. I'm not putting these people down, they're very good and they're very bright. I'm sure if they were here they would agree with this balance.
But isn't that true. "Be successful, you can do it, be more."
Women are dying in increasing numbers. You are catching up with us in heart disease and exceeding us. Any woman who has aspirations to be equal to a man has very low aspirations. You shouldn't be trying to get a piece of a pie, you should be creating a whole new pie. Because when a woman takes on a career, she doesn't change, she adds. Do you follow me, she adds.
Then she adds something else, then she adds something else and I'm sorry if you're not going to be happy with me today but I'm on my way to Maui. You're going to be here all day..... OK. And I am telling you that you can't live this way. You're going to have to start saying no more than yes. Hate that commercial, "Just say yes." Just say no. K-N-O-W.
Can you see this slide with the lady and her dog? She's looking at her dog. So I ask you today, how has your day been so far? Is this the way you want to lead your life? Exactly like you did it today.
Some of you said yeah. But some of you know that you'll ruin the rest of the day. You'll run, you'll hurry, don't you be hypocrites. Even at home and the phone rings and you go into........."phone, get the, phone, phone, somebody get that phone".
Ever have a car pull up in front when you've got, when your family is sitting around in the living room. Nope, sorry, you don't go in your living room here. In the den. No one goes in the living room. And you think, somebody knocks on the door, "Company, clean this place up". You want somebody to know someone lives here. Then it's a Jehovah's Witness and you think "we've wasted our time now".
Grid lock, Maui style. That's the view from my lanai in Maui. That's a crowded day on the beach. That's where I walk down to the hospital. OK. I don't come here to be a wise guy cause you're going to say, "Well what'd you come here for anyway then. Shut up." But I just wanted you to get a little pono here. A little balance.
One of the dancers you're going to hear singing today, holding the floral lei, come to life in Hawaii. I'm only using this as a metaphor so you can understand that there's other musical cultures. You've been to Hawaii, who's been to Hawaii? Did you ever see floral leis. Hawaiian would never put that over your head. He would hand it to you and if you smile and hand it back, that's permission. See, gentle. If you're pregnant, we give two Flora leis. One for each life. Gentle. Gentle.
Unmotivated states.
Your first assignment today, you're not going to sit through my whole lecture. I think that's ludicrous. I just lectured at U of M, to two thousand people on physical fitness and the lecturers was lecturing two hours and people sat. Not me. We're going to do something weird today so get ready. Those of you who are very uptight, get worried. All right. Get worried.
The value of doing absolutely nothing, sitting down, doing nothing, is very good for your health. The technical technique is called "Sit Down and Shut Up".
Some of you can't do it. I've got to meditate, got to jog, Stepmaster, Stepmaster, I'm going to run, shut up. Some of you can't do it. If you go home today, I dare you. You'll do this. "OK, sit down. Carpet needs cleaning." You just can't turn it off.
This is a view from the back of my house at sunset.
Now I'm going to take you with me to Maui and I'm going to have a little girl sing. But this is a little girl from Maui singing of one thousand year old music with my Hawaiian band. Does anyone know who that is, classical music? Oh she was a brilliant memory. Back in those days, you can imagine how bad sexism is now, you know what it was then? But a brilliant scientist, author, composer. This is called "Feather on the Breath of God".
I'm going to play this little music sung by a little Hawaiian girl whose picture you'll see later. I want you to relax as we begin this conference and we're going to do, unlike other conferences, begin by doing absolutely nothing.
That's my workshop. We just sit and do an hour and a half of nothing. Don't get a lot of attendance but I enjoy it. So that's what we're going to do and I'm going to show you some of your women colleagues. I thought you might want to see them as you think about today's conference. So Corey if we could go to dark and start that special music please. Hope you'll think along with me as you hear this little girl.
MUSIC. Do you remember when it started, the magic of new life. This conference sponsored by a department that deals with this great miracle. Everybody dies, but not everybody lives. How happy. You all started out that way. Maybe not that white but you were happy. You enjoyed life.
This is a young girl, nothing wrong, just looking out the window. Women, take a look at your sister there. What's in store for her? How much can she do? Can she run the government, run work, run kids, run family? Can she do it all? Can men do it all.
This is a young medical student. That's that little girl a few years later. Nothing wrong. Look at her and see her eyes. Take a look. What's she thinking, what's ahead of her. A young physician who later on had three children. Also had to live with the same challenge you do, living with a man. That will take it out of you.
This is that physician later in Oxford England. She gave me permission to show these pictures. Look at her. Beautiful woman, capable woman. But she said I could tell you this. "Tell them Dr. Pearsall, they have to learn to say no. Can't have it all." She's lost communication with some of her children. Missed some of the magical moments. Is over extended at work. I'm not saying that always happens, but it can.
This is that doctor today. Isn't she beautiful? Look at her. Rise, beautiful lady. She said I could bring this today and ask you this. Take a look. "Dr. Pearsall tell them this. Remind them that it goes so terribly fast. Feather on the breath of God." The word you hear that little Hawaiian girl singing goes this way.
" I am but a feather on the breath of God. I am blowing up in the side and around. He is the weaver, I am the woven. I must remember."
In the end, professional women, three things matter most. "How well did you love? How fully did you live? And how deeply did you learn to let go?" I hope during the day you will ask yourself those questions.
"How well did you love?" Is that going OK? "How fully did you live?" "How deeply did you learn to let go?"
At Queen's Hospital before we give the physical examination, that's the interview. Very important in Psychoneuroimmunology. Everyone dies, but not everyone lives. Don't die before you're born.
As you sit here today, my mission to begin this conference when you hear everybody talking today is to remember, "What's life for?"
"Am I just trying to survive?"
Stress Management? Why don't I deal with why there is stress?
This is one of the dancers, a young doctor in Maui. I ask you for just ten seconds to lower your shoulders, take a deep breath. In Hawaiian that's Aloha. Alo give, Halo breath. Maka aloha ahaneui. Patients and love. Alohakaakua, I love God. Aloha ohana, I love my family. Aloha anakua, I love my ancestors and I will behave everyday with that as my priority.
Thank you Corey, we can fade that out and bring the lights back up.
This is the way we begin the day at our State Legislature in Hawaii and everything else with a little bit of moment of calmness.
Now, let me bother you. Medical statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is interesting. But what they conceal is vital. Do you follow my point.
Can't see this cartoon, probably. This is a doctor holding up a man's skeleton. The man's in bed all sucked out and it says, "It showed up on your x-rays so we removed it."
There's going to be a letter to the editor of New England Journal of Medicine. It's going to be published in probably the next issue after next. I know the author. The author did a little research project, couldn't really publish it so it goes in as a letter. The average person waiting in a waiting room in a doctor's office has a total of five to seven questions. How many questions do you think that person has when they leave the office. Nine. They have more. The average physician spends less than two to three minutes with the patient in the room. Some of you know at Sinai Hospital, cause I see some of the nurses that worked with me, I was the one over at Sinai that made those male Gynecology residents get up on that pelvic exam table. I put their feet in those foot rests and I turned their testicles so they saw what it's like to be up on that table. So Dr. Keyes will be coming up in a moment and we'll be doing a demonstration with him for the group. Unfortunately we don't have time. That's been cut from the program.
Having more has become not our want, but our need. The idea of more has become the center of our identity and our security. We are caught by it as the addict by his drugs. We are. Hey, don't go to a garage sale unless you want to go there and dump off some of your own stuff. Oh, excuse me, we're out here in the Troy area. I mean Estate Sale. Excuse me. We are caught up by a, I just spoke to the Chiefs of Staff last year, with my Hawaiian band and me. Chief of Staff, you know it, he walks up and says, "You have a pony tail." I said, "All Hawaiian men have pony tails because we don't cut our hair plus it keeps the sun off our neck and that's the way we do it. You're bald, what's your excuse."
What is this kind of intolerance we've had. "Got to have more. Got to have more, got to have more." Starter house. I've never heard of that one before.
Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued. It must ensued as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.
Do you follow?
Success. I have a little quiz for you. Here we go. In our research, these were the motives for living. First one is by, can't see the slide itself..... His motive was money. Think to yourself how much that motive drives you, and be honest. Here is his quote. "Money," he said, "liking money like I like it is nothing less than mysticism. Money is glory." Salvador Dali.
Do you know some people who," money is everything".
How about this one. This one is George, Georgia O'Keefe, a well known artist. She said, "Nope, it's not money, it's autonomy."
She said this. "I can't live where I want to, go where I want to, so I decided I was a very stupid fool not to, at least, paint as I wanted to." Are you following? Her motive is autonomy. I'll do it my way.
This one is Martin Luther King. His motive was Justice. I'm not suggesting these people's only motive was each of those things but, so you can think about it. Martin Luther King's quote, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
Haven't many of us almost memorized that quote. Gave his life for it. Justice. How much of your life is dedicated to that?
Then there comes Isaac Asimov, you read some of his books, OK. Prolific writer. His was productivity. Productivity. "If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd type a little faster."
Are you getting my point I'm trying to drive home here? Which of these are in your life? To what degree?
Here's another brilliant person. Margaret Mead. Everybody familiar with her work. She said, "Knowledge." Anthropologist. She said this, "I was brought up to believe that the only thing worth doing was to add to the sum of accurate information in the world." Gave her life for that too if you know the story of Margaret Mead.
Then we have Henry Kissinger. "Power." he said. Former Secretary of State. Remember his quote? "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac."
Is that you? Are you in the power, in control. Do you ever get frustrated at home thinking you have power? Do you ever get frustrated at home thinking you actually run your own house? Now watch me get in trouble.
There are women standing here right now and sitting here right now that have not had a restful bowel movement in ten years. Look at the, well I'm sorry if you think that's vulgar. What happens to you when you go to that rest room? "Mom, what are you doing?"
Did you ever ask for permission?
"I'm having a bowel movement if it's all right with you."
They'll think about it won't they.
Who here has grandchildren? Would you not agree that grandchildren are God's reward for not having killed your own kids. That's really the way it goes here.
This, another brilliant, successful person, Florence Griffith Joyner. You, you know her don't you? Here's what she said, It's excellence. "When you've been second best for so long, you can either accept it or try to become the best. I made the decision to try to be the best." Then there was Eleanor Roosevelt. Her motive was duty. How about you. "As for accomplishments," she said, "I just did what I had to do as things came along." You felt her motives. "I did what I had to do."
This is that little girl you just heard singing. Can you see her? She's the little girl that lives next to me in Hawaii. A full blooded Hawaiian little girl. Cutest little girl. I wish you could see her hula today. You're going to hula today. I, yes you are. Yes you are. Don't, don't you give me, that defiant laugh. You have to laugh. Isn't laughter ..... Not the phony laugh that you guys do. "Good morning, ha, ha, ha."
You could count the number in a laugh. It's got to be a real hard gafaw. Have you ever laughed hard enough where food comes out everywhere. It's very good for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, eight year old girl. Hear what her motives were. She said, "Dr. Paul," my Hawaiian name ......, "it's aloha. I try to live in pono, balance, to alohaina," she says love in Hawaiian, "ohana," love my family, "the albacua," my secret ancestors, "and share alohacaucua," the love of God."
That's out of an eight year old girl. That's how she lives her life.
Don't you think we need balance between all adults. We can easily get out of balance, you get sick. Living sickly is not aesthetic self-denial but out of born grace. We are five times richer than our great grandparents. But are we five times happier. We've got enough stuff, we need more time. Time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Type T Personality.
Physicians in this room, the women physicians, the women nurses know this. You've heard of Type A, doesn't matter. Type A did not come out at the research. Only one of the factors in that Type A came out and that was hostility. Hostility almost always has to do with time. Thinking your time is more important than someone else's. Isn't that what rudeness is?
I have no right to take the time of the next speakers. Is that not true? No right to do that. Therefore I will end by two.
"No, but", she says, "No you're not. I'm out of here. I have to go. I'm in a hurry." But on your Type T, that was the thing. Type, now here's where we're going to see if you can really have it all or not. Type T.
How many people here are Pleonastic? She says, "I must be. I know I have it." You're so stressed that you narrate your own life. "I'm going downstairs now. Now I'm going into the bathroom now. I'm coming up here, does anybody need in the kitchen because I'm going through the kitchen and I'll grab something while I'm coming out of here." "I saw you walk into the door." "Well I'm here now I guess I'll find a table. Where is a table. I can't find it." "Where in the world is that fool going to talk. There's four podiums around here. I can't find it. I don't know where he's going to go."
The next T, Piles and Files. Do you have a folder at your house. Do you have a pile here, file, yell at your kids. "Don't touch my pile. .....my pile."
Who's heard of the Ohio rule. O-H-I-O. Only Handle It Once.
Oh you pretend to. That's a good letter called "Get To It Later". Save the envelope too. You never know when you'll need that envelope, OK.
Scarcity hypothesize, "There's only so much in this world, I'm going to get my share." "Worth equals accomplishments".
I'm now treating in Hawaii, ten male physicians, who are scheduled for transplant or bypass of the heart. I also spoke a few months ago to, what was it, five hundred transplant recipients and donors families. You should see how mistaken people are. Right. I asked these physicians, introduce yourselves to the group, but you can't say what you do. They couldn't talk and finally, the first guy says, "Well I'm Chairman of the" ..
"No, No! Who are you?"
"I'm a CEO."
What are you, an alphabet.
And then D0-mensia. I'm not talking Dimentia. Do you know what Do-mentia is? As soon as you sit down, you think you should be doing something, right.
I dare you to go home today and sit in your own living room, which is radical already, sit in your best chair that you don't allow anyone to touch, and just do this. "Hello, I'm sitting in my chair."
Your kids will think you're nuts. People will think you're out of your mind.
D0-mensia. Shoemakers Law. A very well known economist said this, "The amount of genuine leisure available is an inverse proportion to the amount of time saving machinery in you have.".
Do you follow my point? You have more time saving devices in this time than anybody I've seen. This giant staff here working today, do you have your cellular phone? "Oh yes I have my cellular phone".
They all have one. Cellular phone. Beeper, beep beep. You're not that important. You've got to answer a machine, there's nothing worth anything on there anyway.
Look at the looks I'm getting. "Oh no, I must have that. I am so busy. I am so busy. Busy, busy, busy, busy me."
Now that's ridiculous. You don't need all of that. You don't have any time. You've got time saving devices, where's your time.
Is there anybody here that says I've just got too much time on my hands! I don't know what I can do with it. Look at this nurse, she's working at home. This is what she calls child care. Can't have it all. Can't.
I know this isn't going to be popular. For this part of the lecture I wish I was a female it would have more legitimacy but as a researcher, I am telling you, this is killing people.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is from the New York Times. These are vans that care for those starved for time in need of therapy. The van will pick you up at home, drive you to work and do therapy with you on the way to work to save time. Whoa! She's signing up for this. She's thinking, "I'll take that. I've got to do that. I've got a few moments here." You don't want to go to a therapist anyway. "Psychology is the study of the Id by the Odd".
Anybody have this symptom of the Type T, "Self Centered Shopper Syndrome".
Number one, you say this to yourself, "I always get the slow lane. Every time I come here it fills up with stupid people. And why do they always come on my day." You're there aren't you. You're one of them. That's the problem.
Parenthood is part of this Type T. Parenthood is an approximately 70 year phase of trying to get out of your own childhood long enough to help someone with theirs. Parenting is a real tough thing. Being neglected isn't it. "I take my children everywhere but they always find their way back home".
This is the problem. You've heard that the divorce rate is decreasing, it's not. What do you think the divorce rate is now. 67%. No, no. In the whole population, no, it's not. 48%. People marrying this year, are you following, difference between rate and risk, are you hearing, so the risk factor has been shifted to the younger couples. Are you getting the point? So when they get married, their chances are, by the year 2020, it's estimated that 96% will divorce. I've, look in the data, this is not just loose talk. I don't do that. That's why those books are back there. We've got to look at this. Nothing, a necessary thing to do sometimes but it certainly wreaks havoc.
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you've given birth". This is some good psychology here that I'm trying to offer.
"Never invest in anything that eats, or needs repairing". Wouldn't that be good strategy?
And how about this one, "If wives had wives, things would be much easier around the house".
This is the trouble. I don't want to be Phil Donahue here but men are broken. They've got Testosterone poisoning. They don't get it. We don't get it. Watch them today. We don't understand it. You talk to them, we need to talkto each other. "I'm sad!"
"What do you want? I'll wash your car, I'll fix it, what do you need from me? I'll do it, I'll fix it, I'll fix it".
If the pressure is too much then we flood. Flooding is, oh boy, oh boy. And then we use the Clint Eastwood defense: "Yep, nope, yep". That's a whole other seminar. Sometime we'll talk about it.
This is a prayer written by a kid. Child's prayer.
"Let me grow as I be and try to understand why I want to grow like me. Not like my mom wants me to be or that my dad hopes I'll be or my teacher thinks I should be. Please understand and help me grow just like me".
Not what the feminist movement tells me I should be, what somebody who's anti-feminist says, I shouldn't be. Are you following the point. "What I want to be! My way! With my family! My Ohana.
Continuing Type T. You have sitting shame. When you sit too long are you ashamed of yourself. You have to be moving constantly. Can you not say no. The minister of the church says, "Can you bake 20 thousand brownies for us?"
"Sure. Sure".
Then you go home. "Why don't we get rid of him?"
Assiduous. Are you a hard worker?
"I work hard, I'm proud of it".
Why don't you brag at work, "Not very efficient today. Haven't been doing a damn thing frankly."
But you don't, and competitive, that's a whole other lecture. Kills you. Competition is unhealthy. Hostile, are you impatient, in a hurry, let's just see.
Gonna bring us some Maui magic. We're going to get you to relax, again. Here we go. Can we bring the lights down. This is our Hawaiian band guitar. While I remind you of the importance of slowing down.
Imagine you're with us now on the beach, four guitar players and we ask you these questions. Time is not money. Thinking success when we're young, we are willing to give our time for money. Seeking happiness when we're older, we are willing to give our money for time.
Ladies and gentlemen, we can have 1948 lifestyle in half the time because our productivity has increased. We have made a dangerous decision that Beaumont Hospital has to do the repair for. When productivity increases we are presented the choice, more time, more money. We could choose four hour work days, we have chosen to work the same hours to earn twice the money for no more happiness. Does that make sense.
Don't react, be responsible.
I want to live so that my life cannot be ruined by a single phone call. One call can set people off.
The measure of a full life, ladies and gentlemen, is not a fling, but it's love. "The measure of a successful life is not its achievements, but its joy".
Are you joyful in how you live with your family and those who matter.
I ask you what is success? Emerson had a definition of it. "To laugh often. To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children. To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the trial of false friends. To appreciate beauty. To find the best in others. To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social situation. To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
Not just excellence, not just power, not just autonomy, not just money, not just knowledge. That.
Are we happy yet.
Leading researcher and Nobel Prize Candidate, he asked this question, "Are we really happy?" he suggested we do a return home to the ancient order of family, Ohana, community, Lokahe, good work, Ookilia, and a good life, aloha.
A reverence for skill, the gas station person as important as a surgeon.
Creativity and creation. To a daily cadence slow enough to let us watch the sunset and stroll with someone we love by the waters edge.
To communities worth spending a lifetime in not moving from starter to next house to next house and to local places pregnant with the memories of generations.
Ladies and gentlemen, when things don't go right, you've got to take it to the left.
I'd like you to just lower your shoulders, relax, listen to my band, cause in a moment, we're going to do a very special exercise. Corey, you can fade the music out, bring the lights up a little bit.
We're going to show you something very special. This lady, one of the dancers in our band, Kalamoney, brilliant, brilliant, biochemist who lost her husband in a shark attack last month. I bring this to show you today. She said, and I quote, "My love for......I love my husband, I love my children, I tried to have it all and I only got parts of everything."
You follow what she meant by that. Tough choice. Wish I had the answers. But to help you with that, the support is in this room.
This isn't going to be a comfortable statement to make but I'm going to tell you, "Women who become successful do not make very good sisters". They don't help bring the others upward. You know what I mean by that, they tend to distance, that's what the research shows, look at this today. All these women here, colleagues. We're going to be doing an assignment that I hope you will enjoy, you can do it at work and it's magical in Maui.
Pretend you're on the beach when we do this. Now, I don't believe in group pressure so you don't have to do it. But if you don't do it, you'll be dead before the break so I think you probably ought to do it.
Cause you want your immune system to flourish. You've got to laugh and dance and do these things.
You know, it's so important to laugh, to relax, and pono.
A man 66 years old was complaining to his wife. Complaining, complaining. So the 66 year old wife said, "I'm going to the doctor today 66 year old husband and I'm going to show you how healthy I am. She comes back from the doctor" and the 66 year old cynical man says "well how did it go 66 year old lady"? She said "Well I want you to know, the doctor said I have the face of a 30 year old and the legs of a 20 year old. What do you think of that?" And he said, "What did he say about your 66 year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up!"
OK. Now some of you went oooh, oooh. Loosen up. It's OK.
Does anybody here go to church regularly? You ever read your church bulletins? They are full of humor. "Sermon for today at 3:00 is 'Jesus walks on water'. Sermon at 4:00, 'Looking for Jesus'".
That's right out of a church bulletin.
"Sermon for today is 'What is Hell?' Come early and hear the church choir practice".
Two little boys walked up to the pharmacist, one is six, one is five and they walked up and the six year old said, "I need ten dozen Carefree Maxi-pads for my little brother." The pharmacist says, "What do you want with those?"
"Says if you wear those you can ride a bike and swim and he can't do either one."
You've got to laugh. Now we're going to do an assignment. The husband of this woman will now do a chant. But we're, he always did this chant to draw us together. Here's what we do. Stand in a circle. We put our right hand on the persons left shoulder to our right. Like this. We put our left arm around their waist. The metaphor in Hawaiian is I can lean on you but I can also support someone else. You follow the metaphor.
If you care to take part, would you please all stand up now, find a place where you can get a little tiny circle like that. I didn't want to sit like this either.....there's plenty of room out here. There's, no one happens to be, form a little circle. Don't leave people out of it just because you're mad at them for heaven sakes.
Right hand, left shoulder. Right hand, left shoulder. Left arm around the waist of the person to your left. Has everybody got it. Now what we ask you to do is the following. Lower your head and you're going to hear this chant. The chant words are:
"I am in a sacred place. I will respect God and my family. I will comfort those in this circle as they comfort me. I ask God to help me in that and I will not forget. Those are the words of this chant. So Corey if you can go to dark and bring them plenty of volume for this sacred chant of this wise man who may have wasted some time of his life."
Hear the wind on the beach. Here we go.
Those words say join together. Those words say, "I will remember my family forever in all that I do. I will never forget what matters most to me. My time will be spent on loving what matters most."
.......pono. I will stay in balance with those sisters next to me as I support the sister to my left and lean on the sister to my right, I will bring aloha to my family and the world make Aloha. OK, thank you very much. Now don't sit down.
Can we bring the lights up full now and now you can break up, was that, that wasn't too corny was it. OK. Now, ....you're going to do what she's doing. We're going to teach you the hula. The hula means staying in balance. What goes to the left must go to the right. If you've been to Hawaii, I'm not talking about the silly thing where you shake your hips. No, no, no. Hula is very sacred. It means.....look at her face. It's not funny to her. We'll have fun with it, now here's what we're going to do. Would you all sort of face me. I know that's not easy. Now, I'll turn my back on you but here's what you're going to do. Put your hands on your hips and you're going to move in the hula to the right first. So you go like this. One, two, one, two, three, lift your leg. One, two, one, two, three. Now watch. We'll do it to the right. Here we go. Now that's the step. One of the steps. But you have to bend your knees and you must do it with a smile. You must keep your shoulders straight and you must do it like that. So you just go boom, boom, boom, boom, boom and you boom, but you move your hips toward it like that. OK, and you use your feet so you sway like the wave. OK. That's one step. That's called Kahala. And then we're going to do the one called Amey. Then I'll say stop and pause and when you do amey, you're going to stand with your hands on your hips, then you put your left arm out in front and you're going to push with this hand, push your hips around and bend like that way.....you're not cracking, oh my God. Now, and then when I say the other direction, do it the other way. Do you follow the steps? So give yourself plenty of room, face forward. Let's give them some, this is our band playing the song. Now the hula is done, this hula song says, it's a sarcastic funny song we sing. And the song goes this way.
"Oh I hate being in Hawaii, I've got to fish all day in the warm ice waters."
So we're going to do some moves with our hands like this and then when we do the Amey, we're going to go around the islands to Maui, Kauai, Hawaii, we're going to do it all. So let's get ready Corey. Let's play that music for them. Watch and hula. Now let loose. Get those hips moving.
Good volume so they won't be embarrassed. Hands on your hips. Smile, bend your knees, shoulders straight. Here we go. Sway your hips. All sway, smile, you could even close your eyes and pretend you're on the beach. Bend down. Now hands in front. Make waves, and you smile. Little bit more volume Corey. Some people in the back aren't dancing. Now we're going to pull some fish out of the water. Ready? Oh, here I am in Hawaii, 85 degree weather........it's so hot. Oh, I'm in Hawaii. Oh it's so hard on me. I don't know what to do. OK, stop, rest, get centered. Hands on your hips. Left arm in front. Ready? We're going to do Amey. Ready and here we go.
Get up, switch around right arm in front. Oh loosen up. OK. Now let's go around the islands. Keep your hips going. Now you're going to go to your left over to Maui. Over to Hawaii, oh there's Oahu. Oh there's Maui. I'm coming back to Maui if I can get my butt over there. OK. Now let's go that way. Here we go. Smile. Arms up like this now. Oh I'm bringing in the sun. All the aloha I can get. Just a little more volume Corey. We're going to get ready to do a deep, deep, amey. Stand still. Hands on your hips. Now move around. And smile. Smile. Up, round the islands again here we go over to Maui. Whoop, there's the big island. Come on butt, let's go over there. There's Maui. There's Kauai. I'm coming around next to Maui. OK, now hands up, left arm, really do it. Oh, up, right arm in front. Now this is a big part coming up. You're going to go as slow as you can. These words are I'm finally home. Here we go.
OK, to the left. Smile. Hands up, hands up high. Now the rule is, at the end of the hula, you must hug the hula next to you, OK. And you can return to your seats. Thank you for your hula. That was a nice little hula.
That is a Beaumont first. Ladies and gentlemen, last week at University of Michigan with the doctors and nurses, they were all doing the hula. Did it feel good. Anybody hurt themselves. Cause Dr. Keye's malpractice can't cover the hula. Here's the end of my talk.
Notice up front, my Hawaiian.... If you try to have it all, all you will have is trying. By ...... It is better to desire the things we have than to have the things we desire. Think success. Didn't I say it? "Own less, do less, say no".
And I end on one of your sister statements. Lily Tomlin, you know her don't you. She said, "Clearly the problem is even if you do win the rat race, you are still a rat".
Aloha and thank you for having me today. Aloha.
